Some very common mistakes can create very big problems.
Marriage has its own ups and downs, it's about beating the odds and working towards a better relationship. A part of this also includes acknowledging some common mistakes people make that may cost them their relationship.
1. Not making your spouse a priority
It is true that one must not lose their individuality in a relationship but some people take it a little too far and forget altogether that a healthy relationship requires both parties to be involved. Then there are others who unintentionally give away all their attention to the children and often put their spouses on the backburner. In both cases, the one thing that will suffer for sure is your marriage. "If you notice that all of your time is spent working or running after the kids, take time to rejig a few things to make sure you actually spend time together that goes beyond crashing on the couch. Date night might sound cheesy, but it works," said Marni Feuerman, licensed marriage therapist, in an article for Martha Stewart.
2. Not working towards better communication
Communication is very important for any relationship, lack of or poor communication can lead to problems between you and your partner. "People who don't communicate are not sharing a part of themselves with others. They hold onto their feelings and thoughts for many different reasons. Two reasons people in relationships fail to communicate are fear of rejection and concern they will do or say something to upset their partner. While the latter sentiment is noteworthy, not telling your partner what you need keeps the relationship from changing and growing. Growth in a relationship is crucial if you want it to be long-lived and satisfying," says Marcelina Hardy, counselor, and coach, in an article for LoveToKnow.
3. Poor boundaries
After some point in the relationship, many couples assume they know what the other wants or is thinking. It's common to hear sentences like "No, he wouldn't want that", "She's going to be okay with," "We won't be attending the party", without actually having consulted the partner if that's what their decision is as well. This leads to overstepping one another's boundaries and forming a fused identity of sorts and in turn, this leads to problems in your marriage. "Many of us unintentionally lose track of where we leave off and our partner begins. Without noticing it, we may be intrusive or controlling toward our partner, acting in a manner that is disrespectful or demeaning to the other person’s sense of self," says Lisa Firestone, Clinical Psychologist, in an article for Psychology Today.
4. Keeping Secrets
Honesty and transparency are important for a successful marriage, without it there is no trust and without trust, the relationship is bound to fail. "Being honest and emotionally vulnerable in a romantic relationship is a form of both personal and relational integrity. Sometimes people think they’ve only violated their integrity if they flat-out lie. Secrets, however, are lies of omission, and they’re just as damaging to relationships and personal integrity as those we say out loud," says Robert Weiss, Psychotherapist, in an article for Psychology Today.
5. Not being able to accept when you are wrong
Often people have difficulty admitting that they are wrong and sometimes it might be the last and only thing that may save your marriage.“I know it’s hard for some people to admit they are wrong. It’s extremely painful for some of us to say ‘I was wrong, sorry.’ Many marriages may have one of the spouses feel that if they admit they’re wrong, they have lost the battle,” says Dr. Michael Brooks, a relationship counselor, and coach says on his site.