You might jump to the worst conclusions when you see that your partner is no longer giving you any attention. But sometimes, it might not be because of you.
Most of the time, it is not one single, drastic event that brings a relationship to an end. It can be a series of little things that erode away the intimacy between two people, leaving you craving for attention from your partner. When you see your partner growing distant from you, you might jump to the worst conclusions. While some are extremely worrying, other reasons might just show that your partner is not in the right frame of mind.
If you notice that your partner has become less romantic and less attentive to you, it could be because of these reasons.
There might be something that's happened in your partner's life that they are finding extremely difficult to handle. There could be a few reasons as to why they are hiding it from you, either due to fear, guilt, shame, anger, or perhaps even embarrassment. “We tend to close off as a defense mechanism when we don’t know how to communicate what we’re feeling but need to stay engaged in the situation,” Lynsie Seely, a marriage and family therapist told HuffPost.
You might see them shrivel up and isolate themselves in their own world while you're stuck on the outside, trying to figure out if it's something you did or said. Sometimes, an open conversation might help your partner let you in on what's going on.
Along the way, your partner might have started prioritizing other things in their life over you. It could have been their work, family, the kids, their friends, or other commitments. "Most of these divorcing couples got so busy with the details of their hurly-burly lives that they forgot why they got together in the first place," wrote Sam Margulies, author of Divorce for Grownups, for Psychology Today. With everything going on in your life, your partner is forgetting how you both are a team, and getting a little too comfortable with having you around, failing to make an effort to make you feel special anymore.
On one hand, your partner might no longer see a future with you or they start wanting different things in life that you are not able to give. On the other hand, it could also be that things between the two of you are moving too fast and your partner is not ready to give you that commitment it warrants. They feel pressurized and it might make them feel close off and be less attentive to you.
When your partner starts taking you for granted, they might not put the same effort into the relationship as you do, failing to pay attention to your needs. They stop doing things for you or stop complimenting you the way they used to, but still expect you to hold up your end of the relationship. When you talk to your partner about this and still see that they completely ignore or dismiss your feelings, it might show that your needs will never have any space in the relationship because everything in the relationship is about giving your partner attention.
When your partner is no longer feeling the same feelings of love, they pull away from you emotionally. "If the reasons have to do with loss of love, often there is not a lot that can be done," Brian Jory, relationship expert, and author of Cupid on Trial: What We Learn About Love When Loving Gets Tough, told Elite Daily. "It’s difficult to get love back once it goes. Love is what fuels trust, affection, [and] intimacy, and once it goes you can be in an empty shell, residing together but living alone."
When you are ready for some positive change in the relationship or you want to take the next step, your partner might be resistant to that change and they start withdrawing as a response. "The demand-withdraw pattern usually starts when one partner seeks some change in the relationship," Dr. Catherine Aponte, clinical psychologist, told Bustle. So, when you might make a request in the relationship, they might start seeing it as a demand that they are not willing to do and they start avoiding things in the relationship.
You're not the same person that you were at the beginning of the relationship and neither is your partner. But your partner is not making the same effort to keep up with you like you are doing for them. Your passions may have changed but they don't make the effort to talk about them with you or encourage them, even though you might take the effort to have conversations about their interests.