Partners in long term relationships usually do not realize they are falling out of love for each other. While you may still like having your partner around, you may not be in love with them.
It is common for couples in long term relationships to experience a lack of emotional connection after years of being with each other. Though it is love and attraction that may have bound two people together in the early years of the relationship, many see a decline in the initial spark and romance over time. However, not many realize what is happening to their relationship. They might be falling out of love for each other. Here are a few signs that tell you are no more in love with your partner.
You two spend a lot of time together. You still do a lot of chores, social obligations and everyday recreations like watching TV together. But you find it hard to relate to their emotions. "An emotional connection is a bond between two people that's deeply rooted. It's a mutual understanding and empathy of one another’s feelings, that allow each individual to create a deep appreciation, affection, and intimacy with one another," says relationship coach Jenna Ponaman.
Though you are trying to understand what they are going through, you feel a sense of emotional detachment from them. The one you knew in and out once, now seems like a distant soul. If you are going through such a situation, it might be time for you to take a deeper look into your relationship.
You want to tell your partner your deepest worries. But you find it difficult to open up to them. You may have done it in the past, yet now you experience a block in being vocal about your vulnerabilities. Even when your partner is trying to know your problems, you find it hard to open up.
"So I ask you, 'Well, how are you feeling right now?' and what they can't say is, 'I'm frustrated,' or 'I'm sad,' or 'I'm disappointed,'" or even something that's a description of a feeling, for example, 'I feel like everything's piling up,'" says Steven M. Sultanoff, PhD, a clinical psychologist and professional speaker and trainer. This is a sign that you are no longer comfortable with your partner.
Your partner was your major support. You spoke to them about everything, irrespective of how embarrassing your circumstances were. But now you find yourself going to your friends and family to discuss your issues. You do not feel confident enough to discuss anything with your partner and trust your friends more than your partner.
If this is a one-off incident, it may not be a cause for worry. But if this is a constant in your relationship, you should look into things more deeply. "Vulnerability is key in building emotional connection. Vulnerability involves showing up, all of you, the real you, and letting yourself be seen by another," says Julie Williamson, a licensed professional counselor.
People in relationships often love to share their lives together. Your partner used to be aware of your life outside the relationship e.g. your friends, your workplace gossip, etc. You feel unheard when you have expressed the wish to do something together. However, nowadays, your partner has no idea what is new in your life nor do you want to know what's new in theirs.
This has gone one for so long, that now you have just resigned to doing things by yourself. In fact, the emotional distance makes you prefer doing things alone than sharing quality time with your partner. "The emotionally unavailable person may choose to engage in behavior that is solitary and less challenging, such as focusing on video games, his or her cell phone, etc," said Dr. Kendra Kubala, PsyD, a licensed psychologist.
Earlier, you never found it difficult to kiss and cuddle your partner. But now you find yourself holding back from being intimate. You have an imaginary boundary line drawn between yourself and your partner. According to A Conscious Rethink, people build such walls only when they are insecure about the relationship. You have unconsciously shut down. This might be the step to a potential break up.
You enjoy the comfort of your partner's company but you are not excited by them anymore. You like having them around but that romantic spark is no longer there. It's more like two friends with similar interests hanging out together.
"You might enjoy their company and still want to be with them — maybe even on a daily basis — but have lost the spark that once connected you," says Dr. Jill Murray, licensed psychotherapist, and author. It is not wrong to enjoy the companionship, however, if it is only that your relationship might be in trouble.