It is common for the spark to die off after a while into a relationship. However, the rise of small disagreements and conflicts are not the cue to break away from each other.
Date nights at a romantic restaurant or a movie night at home are inevitable topics during the budding days of any romance. But as time fades away, a relationship develops deeper and complex issues that are mostly never addressed by couples. While it is evident that the fire is lost and the couple has become disinterested in each other, it is important to understand that these are quite normal in any long term relationship. It is possible to work together and make your relationship a success.
Here are a few common issues that you may notice in your long term relationship that you think is unusual.
A relationship is the union of two people from different backgrounds and experiences. They might have been part of pasts that may be conflicting with each other's beliefs and ideologies. These differences may not be an issue in the beginning as couples are more focused on their budding romance than their past. However, as the years go by, the past that was ignored may cause issues in the relationship. Therefore it is important for partners to acknowledge, communicate and deal with each other's past.
Disagreements are part of any relationship. It is common for people to have different opinions and views about anything be it a movie, major family decisions, restaurants, etc. However, the rise of disagreements are not the end to a relationship but it is a great learning experience. Partners tend to learn to overcome differences and take decisions that are convenient to both equally. These compromises are a crucial part of any relationship.
The initial days of any relationship are bound to be filled with romance and the desire to connect emotionally and sexually. Date nights and frequent sex may be very common during those days. However as time passes by, it is common for long term couples to experience a change in sexual desire. "Once you have them, excitement, newness, and burning loins are replaced with familiarity, sense of family, comfort, and snuggling. While that comfort is wonderful, it doesn't always welcome a more sexual connection," says Wendy Newman, a relationship expert to Bustle. In such situations, it is crucial for couples to work together to make their sexual life interesting and adventurous. Partners can work together to improve the excitement and spark.
You might have fallen in love with your partner for a particular trait or interest but it is possible for your partner to develop new interests and hobbies. Your partner may have evolved over the years which should not be surprising. "It's natural for couples to develop new interests and for their personalities to evolve regularly," certified relationship expert Adina Mahalli. While it is totally normal, couples may develop conflicts in such situations. In such circumstances, it is important to think of all the memories that you shared with your partner. Hold on to the events in the past that brought you close to your partner. This will help you go hand in hand with your partner.
You might have fallen in love with a person you thought would be the easiest to communicate regardless of what your problems were. However, it is possible that you feel difficulty expressing your emotions to your partner after a while. According to Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett, PhD, LMFT, a sex therapist reframing your sentences can bring a major change. Replacing "You" with "I" can do the trick. "You hurt my feelings when you hang out with your friends more than you hang out with me" can be reframed to "I feel hurt when you hang out with your friends more than you hang out with me." This gives your partner the chance to truly hear you out.
Love is always accompanied by conflicts. Partners who involve in healthy conflicts and discussions have a healthy relationship. Therefore quarrels and arguments should never be seen as a reason to break away. When your partner fights with you, it shows that they are comfortable enough to express their anger and their needs. Try to use this opportunity to build trust and strengthen your relationship. "Healthy couples are able to manage conflict constructively and use it as a chance to strengthen the relationship," said Daniel Sher, a clinical psychologist.