Do you end up slamming doors or having calm discussions? Here's what is says about your relationship.
Every relationship, even the happiest and healthiest ones, can put you and your partner in difficult situations. But how you react when arguments break out and tempers start flaring can say a lot about the relationship, and how you are as a partner. While sometimes anger can be a way to escape the real problem, other times, it could be a way for your partner and you to come to a healthy conclusion and even become closer as a result of it. If you express your anger in the following ways, here's what it reveals about the kind of person you are in a relationship.
When anger and frustration build up inside you, you might tend to lash out, raise your voice, or express it by slamming doors and maybe even breaking things around you. This might be because you feel frustratingly misunderstood in the relationship, or you feel like you're not getting the attention you need. And it's coming out with an intense burst of emotions.
It's possible that you're carrying some kind of pain in the relationship. It could either be due to the fact that you feel constantly misunderstood or because you're unable to communicate how you feel to your partner. As a result, the smallest of triggers turn the pain you're carrying into anger.
It can serve as a distraction from the hurtful reality of the relationship and you find a way to release it through anger. It's also a way for you to cope with what you're feeling because "it feels better to be angry than it does to be in pain", according to MentalHelp.net. Sometimes, when you feel vulnerable or overwhelmed with emotions, you let it escape through anger. Think about whether there's an underlying issue in the relationship that's been at the back of your mind that you're unable to deal with effectively.
After repeatedly asking your partner to do something or hoping that they would pitch in more in the relationship but they don't, you might end up giving them the silent treatment. This could be when you've repeatedly asked your partner to pick up groceries, manage dinner for half of the week, or just help keep the house clean. But when you see that it just does not seem to translate into actions, you may feel like there's no point in expressing your disappointment anymore, or because talking about it may actually lead to an outburst.
The silent treatment could be your way of hoping that they would see the problem and realize how much load you're taking. “Repeatedly asking for your partner to do something can be viewed as nagging, and people turn off nagging—it’s not effective at changing behavior,” said clinical psychologist, John Mayer, according to Women's Health. “This silent treatment shows them how they need to change.”
Choosing to shut down from the problem could also be a means of taking a different route rather than draining yourself mentally. It may not be the best way to get the message across, but you're tired of feeling like you're constantly nagging, and now you hope that they will see how much the problem is wearing you down.
When you feel like something is wrong but you pretend like everything is fine, you might be bottling up your emotions in the relationship. It could mean that you're in a relationship where you're not comfortable with speaking up or making your needs be heard. This can severely affect your mental health if you're constantly keeping your feelings to yourself.
"Bottling up anger causes a rush of negative stress hormones in the body, taxing the cardiovascular system," said Dr. Jair Soares, according to Prevention. It could be your fears about being hurt or the relationship coming to an end that's holding you back. However, it's also necessary for you to be firm and straightforward with your partner so that you don't suppress your needs.
If you're able to remain calm in the relationship even when you and your partner are sailing through rough waters, it could mean that you're comfortable with confrontation. And moreover, your relationship has created a space where you both can be open and honest with each other without having to suppress or avoid your feelings. In situations where you're boiling with anger, you first try to calm yourself down, take a deep breath, and then approach the situation. While you have your own opinion, you are still open to hearing your partner's side of the story and take time to understand their point of view.
"Chances are, the person you are angry with is not purposely trying to hurt you. Try to understand them before you assign blame," as Emma M. Seppälä, author of The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success, wrote for Psychology Today. By staying compassionate and curious as to why your partner did something, you both put your heads together and try to reach a healthy conclusion for both of you.